What I've Learned (So Far) About Being a Mom #3 (And a Chime in my from "dad")

(And a Chime in my from my husband, AKA: "Dad")

…Continued
What I've Learned (So Far) About Being a Mom #1
What I've Learned (So Far) About Being a Mom #2

29. I've cursed my hips my entire life.  I was always jealous of those "straight" girls who could fit into ANYTHING and look amazing.  My pant sized is based on my hips and what I can fit over them.  These days I find that I am thankful for them, because I can easily rest Blake on a hip and go about my business.  It's like a little God-given seat for babies.  And it relieves a lot of weight from my arms!

30. My house is never going to be as clean as it used to be.  Toys are slowly creeping into my living room, and I'm slowly beginning to be okay with this. Slooooowwwly.

31. I never have enough bibs.  The kid has a drawer full and I'm still constantly running out.

32. I never-ever-ever-ever thought I'd own a van, but it's the BEST! I'll laugh alongside you when you call me a "soccer-mom", but punch you in the face if you make fun of me or say anything beyond that.  I will never buy anything else from now on! I have loads of storage, room for stroller and hundreds of shopping bags, a huge center console, comfy seats, and I can walk around in my own vehicle if I need to get to my kid quickly.  Oh, and it has 11 cup holders!

33. Burt's Bees diaper rash cream is the bees knees. It's not thick and sticky like Desitin tends to be, and it really does dry like a powder.

Buy it on Amazon!

34. It's increasingly difficult to attend Happy Hour with friends, as I used to do after work.  As I sit here writing this I am enjoying a nice glass of red wine, staring at Blake peacefully sleeping on the baby monitor at 8:45PM and thinking "this is my happy hour"…

35. There really is very little time for Michael and I to spend time with one another. Therefore,  we try to Make.Every.MINUTE.Count!

36. I can smell baby throw up the moment I walk into a room.  Gross.

37. While I do capture many photos of Blake using my handy dandy iPhone, being a photographer has not lent its successes in taking professional photos of my own child.  I've slacked in that area, and for that I am very regretful. :(

38. The music I listened to during pregnancy did seem to carry over when he entered the world.  I listened to a lot of country music and it's the music that seems to calm him the most.

39. When I was pregnant I was so worried about not loving Blake as much as I love my dogs.  Seriously. I still love my dogs to pieces, but, you know…..

40. I'm not sure I'll ever successfully juggle everything and be awesome at it all: working, being a mom, maintaining a clean house, being a good wife, photographing, keeping up with friends. How do people do it?  I think I'll die trying. HA.


(And a Chime in my from my husband. AKA "dad")

1. I never thought that I would have very little free time compared to what I had before.  In fact, my free time is nearly non-existent. 

2. No matter how shitty things are (work!), Blake's smile makes it better. I can't help but smile and laugh back at him when I walk through the door.  He's always happy to see me!  And it's totally mutual. 

3. I didn't realize how expensive a baby would be, even based on what everyone told me.  They've turned out to be right! 

4. I never knew how hard having a newborn would be on our marriage. Everything changes. Not necessarily in a bad way--it just becomes…..different.  In a way that you both have to get accustomed to.  Plus, there are a lot of things you have to figure out as new parents.  It's rough. 

5. On the list of most challenging things in life, having a newborn is #1.
6. I never realized how annoying my wife would be when it comes to writing blog nonsense (LOL!) How does she do this and enjoy it so much? 

Back to mom…
Thanks, babe. Thanks!

Sleep Training Continued

I'm happy to report that the sleep training is going well. This makes me very excited, and has allowed me to celebrate one success of parenting.  There are so many times that I feel like such a bad mom, so I'm very thankful when I have a clear answer that I'm doing something right, or well.  I won't lie, it's been hard, but each night it gets better!

My last entry on sleep training was 2 nights ago.  Last night went VERY well.  I put Blake down as he was awake and he laid in bed entertaining himself for quite some time.  He cried for about 5 minutes then dozed off to sleep without waking himself up at all.  He didn't wake again until 7:30am. (By the way, have I mentioned that he is sleeping 10-12 straight hours?  SUCH A BLESSING!) Tonight I laid him in bed, again, awake, and he started to cry after about 6 minutes.  I laid him down at 8:28, and he cried until 8:35 when I noticed his foot was stuck in the bed railings.  I went upstairs to remove his foot and quietly said "Good night.  I love you."  Then repositioned him in the center of the bed and walked off.  He cried for 8 minutes after that.  He was pretty upset that he couldn't get his foot out so I really think this is why he was crying for such a length of time.  He made himself comfortable in the bed…for him this means rolling over onto his stomach. I seriously cannot break him of this, and it's clearly become his new favorite position.  I'm just letting him.  Starting to wonder though if I should put his bumpers back on the bed because he manages to spin himself around at night and I'm concerned he's going to hit his head.  His bumpers are not breathable.  Though this doesn't concern me too much because he's got really great head control, so I feel he would have enough sense to reposition himself. (Yes? No? Maybe so?) I read online that if infants have good neck control then they are most likely "safe."

It's funny how "sleep training" really is "training", and that "training" does not flow from nighttime to nap time, because we have NOT mastered this for naps.  That seems to be a whole other training in itself.  I need to get on this, but truthfully, I enjoy holding him and cuddling him as he naps.  He's getting so big so fast and it's our time together.  If I were wise then I would use this time to clean my house and get things done, but my little man has taken a priority.  Sometimes I do place him in the Baby Bjorn and do chores, but sometimes I'm too tired and just want to cuddle.

I don't mean to make this sleep training sound like it's a breeze. It's difficult to hear him cry, because every mommy bone in my body wants to rush upstairs, pick him up, and hold him! It was rough going upstairs tonight to remove his foot from the railing then walk away as he was crying.  I just had to tell myself this would be better in the end and take the advice from my friends who said "He won't remember this day.  You're not hurting him by letting him cry it out."  (Remember, my cap is 20 minutes of crying and on the worst night he cried for EXACTLY 20 minutes then went right to sleep.  Since then it's been 10 or less.) It's hard, it's hard, it's hard.  But I'm so glad we are doing it. And he's really being a champ about it!

I really feel that a nightlight has been crucial in this, just so he's not in the dark.  Maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe it has no impact on him whatsoever, but it does give me peace of mind.  For what ever reason.  Currently we are using a nightlight that is normally in the kitchen, which is in the shape of a wine bottle.  Totally inappropriate for a child!  It's all we had.  I've been in so many stores and have searched online attempting to find one that I like. To my surprise, I couldn't find one at Pottery Barn. Finally, I had the bright idea to try Etsy! Why didn't I think of this before?  Etsy is one of my favorite sites!
So, I'm excited to receive this little gem in the mail….

This seller has many cute things if you'd like to check them out here!

To all my fellow sleep training mommies, or sleep-trainers-to-be, hang in there! IF I CAN DO IT, SO CAN YOU! Trust me on that one!

Go Team Mason!

Go Team Mason!  This is something my husband and I say to one another when something awesome happens that we've both worked toward.  Like running a race, painting the house, big saving shopping trip, etc.  We yell "Go Team Mason" then give a big high-five. We are really cheesy like that, yes.
Tonight we celebrated in this way as we had a successful night on our sleep training journey with Blake.
I took a lot of advice given to me by friends when it came to sleep training.  I've also taken a lot of heat.  It continues to amaze me how people have no reserve telling you what they really think about your "parenting".   I remember all the flack I received for not breastfeeding, or when I began putting Blake in his crib at 5 weeks old, and now people have told me that he's too young to sleep train, and that I should let him do this in his own time and not "force it."  I can appreciate that someone wouldn't do the same, but I don't appreciate them putting me down.  I would never think to give such advice unless someone asked. To those people I just want to say "If you don't have anything nice to say or add, then don't say anything at all."  Then I want to stick out my tongue, put my hand on my hip, and walk away.  That's the 5-year old brat in me talking.  My nickname as a kid wasn't BRATney for nothing.  (Can't believe I just admitted that.  Whatever.)

Onto the positive, sleep training is going well! Michael and I sort of took advice from others and adapted it a bit.  For a whole week I would put him in his crib when he was on the verge of going to sleep himself.  I did the normal routine: Bath, book, bottle/bounce, bed.  When I would lay him down he would be drowsy and drifting in and out.  I'd put him down and after a few minutes he would fall asleep no problem.  But he would always wake up about 5 minutes later and start wailing.  On the first night I stared at the clock and decided I was going to give him 20 minutes to cry it out, then I would go in and rescue him.  He didn't cry for 20 minutes straight. Instead, he would cry for 3 minutes, fall asleep for 1 minute, cry for 5 minutes, fall asleep for 3 minutes. He was all over the place.  But after 20 minutes (EXACTLY) he drifted off for good.  This went on for 5 days, and each night the amount of time became shorter.  I'm glad we chose to do it this way because it's been a nice segway into how we did things tonight. I gave him his bottle, but was sure to keep him awake during the feeding.  I talked to him so that he wouldn't go to sleep. (I don't want him to get used to falling asleep with the bottle.) I laid him in his bed as he was wide awake, said good night, told him I loved him, put on the sound machine, then walked out of the room.  From the baby monitor Michael and I watched him entertain himself for 15 minutes.  No crying whatsoever.  He drifted in and out of sleep, never once crying.  I noticed a big spot on the baby monitor suddenly, and I immediately knew he had thrown up.  That's when he began to stir.  Michael and I both went upstairs so we could make the process of changing the sheets and him go as efficiently as possible.  There was throw up everywhere! Poor guy.  Michael changed the sheets and wiped the mattress pad down with Lysol while I changed him and cleaned him up.  We only turned on the hall light so it wouldn't wake Blake up too much.  We also didn't speak at all…this is important, so you don't wake them up anymore than they already are.  We swaddled him back and had him in his crib again in no time.  Again I told Blake good night, said I love you, and walked away.  He continued to entertain himself for quite some time!  He began to get fussy after about 10 minutes and was thrashing around-ending up on his stomach. (He's been sleeping more on his stomach. I find him like this when I get up in the morning.  A few times I went upstairs to put him on his back again, but he would always roll back over. I've finally just given in.  I think he's okay, right?)  I went upstairs to take his arms out of the swaddle, as I think this is best if he's sleeping on his stomach.  He cried and thrashed around for about 5 minutes, then went to sleep and has been out ever since.
I'd say this was pretty successful for our first time putting him to sleep when he's wide awake.  I'll take it!  Go Team Mason!

So here's my quick, in a nutshell sleep training advice for anyone who wants to try it this way.

• Start yourself off slow.  I've heard some say just dive right in and put them to bed and cry it fully out.  This may be totally okay for you.  The crying was hard, so it worked for us to begin putting him in his crib when he was on the verge of sleep.  
• As soon as he/she goes down, look at your clock and give yourself a time that you will then go in to "rescue" them. Otherwise, you'll be running in there after only 2 minutes!  We did 20, but you do whatever you are comfortable with.  
• If you do have to go in to rescue them, at first try just patting their stomach/back and "shhhh'ing". Sometimes the comfort of knowing someone is there can help. If this doesn't work then pick them up and do what you normally do to calm them.  Don't turn on any lights, or talk.  Wait until they are calmed (not fully asleep), to put them back down again.  Repeat however many times, again, you are comfortable with.
• We did this for 5 days, but you may choose more or less.  
• On the day you decide to go to the next step, place them in the bed awake.  Get a routine going where you will say something to them that signifies it's THAT time. (i.e.: good night, night-night.)  
• Again, give yourself a timeframe.  How long will you let them cry it out?  I bet that it won't be as long this time since you've kind of transitioned them.  

I'm not an expert by any means.  And every baby is different.  This is just what worked for us.  We are also in the early stages of this, so anything could happen!  I really need to implement this during nap times, too.

Thanks to everyone for all the help and advice. You know who you are! (Thank You Baby Wise book, too.) 

**Bragging not intended.  We are just excited to celebrate the successes. :)

Stop This Train

Happy 4 months to my big boy, Blake! Where does the time go?  Is this the point where I blink my eyes and he's suddenly in kindergarten, then graduating from college? (Becoming a doctor, of course) Time is flying, just as everyone said it would.  Though, if you asked me 2 months ago I would've told you time had completely stopped and I was stuck in a dark hole.

We revisited the doctor the other day to see what was going on with his fits of screaming that had resurfaced.  I had a suspicion it was the GERD again.  Sure enough.  Dr. S said the back of his throat was really red where it was clear his reflux was acting up again. Blake is now on 1.10 mL of Zantac 3 times a day.  He said that was the highest dosage he felt comfortable going to, and if this doesn't seem to help then we are going to explore other "options", including possibly changing his food again to something even more gentle.  With "more gentle" also comes an added expense. As if Nutramigen isn't expensive enough! Agh!  We're supposed to give the new dosage two weeks to kick in.  Hopefully it doesn't take that long.  He threw up about 3 ounces yesterday after a meal, and spit-up 5 times today after a meal.  He was also very fussy during his dinner bottle, and spit up several more times.  I hate it when I know he's so uncomfortable.  I could hear the liquid traveling back up his throat.

Additionally, he also has eczema.  We are doing our best to control it at home by using Aveeno and Aquaphor, but the flare ups come and go.  His skin hasn't gotten swollen yet, so that's good. Dr. S. said if the areas begin to look inflamed then we can try something with a steroid in it. Really hoping we don't get to that point!
It's clear to me at this time that our little man has sensitive skin, and a sensitive stomach.  I can only hope he grows out of these things for his sake.  And maybe our wallets sake too.
He weights 15.5 pounds, and is about 26 inches long.  He's eating 6 oz. every 3 hours, though once  a day or so he'll go up to 7 or 8 oz.  He's also in size 2 diapers. The size 1 phase didn't last very long!

He's sleeping through the night most days of the week.  Some days he wakes up at 3:30 ready to eat.  His usualwake up time is about 5:30, but there are rare occasions when he'll sleep until 7:30! Michael has the early morning shift, as he's much more of a morning person than I am.

I'm not sure the self soothing phase of sleeping is going very well.  What I hate most about allowing him to cry it out for a few minutes (10 is our limit), is that it wakes him completely up when he's crying and makes it even harder to go back to sleep. If I pick him up when he first starts then returning to sleep isn't such a big deal.  He usually falls asleep during his last bottle, which makes putting him down very easy.  But there are always nights when he doesn't and my husband and I "discuss" putting him down or not. (By "discuss" I mean he wants me to put him down and I'd like to keep bouncing him to sleep.)
A good article.
How Do I Teach My Baby so Soothe Himself to Sleep?
Our bedtime routine is:
Bath
Swaddle
Bottle
Bounce
Bed

We still swaddle him at 4 months, yes.  Our doctor swaddled his kids (all 8 of them) until they were 6-8 months. I don't see any harm in this so I think we will continue doing so for now.

Tomorrow I am running my first 5k race since I found out I was pregnant. I actually ran a 5k the DAY I discovered I was pregnant.  I'm really not back into shape like I want to be, so this 5k is going to be difficult for me, but I'm going to keep training. Still need to lose some baby weight! The pounds don't shave off as easily as they used to, and I'm not quite fitting into my old clothes just yet.  Wondering if my body is ever going to go back to the way it was?  I feel like my whole shape has changed, and that my hips are forever doomed to their new wide-size.  I don't consider myself to be a "large" person, but I am definitely wearing size large in everything these days. What the heck?  I was once a small/medium.  And I don't get it because I don't feel or think I look far off from what I was before.  It's a little mind boggling to me.  I just seem…wider, and so nothing in my closet fits.  Even many of the elastic skirts I have dot n't over my hips! New clothes are in order soon I think. Not that I need an EXCUSE to go shopping or anything...

My most favorite thing about Blake right now is how much he smiles.  I love coming home from work and seeing his face light up when I talk to him after not seeing him all day. He just warms my heart!  Despite all the difficulties, being a mom is amazing.  My heart is full.

I Love to Save

Okay, who doesn't love to save money?  Even the wealthiest of people have a frugal streak.  Saving money has become an addiction of sorts for me.  

Some people have asked me all the various ways that I save.  There are certainly people out there who are better at saving than I am, and many of my "tricks and tips" have come from those people.  

Hopefully you'll find something here the may be helpful for you.

We mostly shop at Target, but depending on the deal I sometimes go to CVS and Publix.  

Publix takes competitor coupons, but those competitor coupons will count as your Publix coupon.  So, you could use a manufacturer coupon and a Target coupon, but not a manufacture, Target, AND Publix.  Also, each Publix store varies on which competitor coupons they will take so check with your local store.

Saving money at TARGET. 

• I scope out websites like Totally Target and I Heart Target to find out what deals other people have found.  
• I use Target coupons that I've gotten from register purchases, and I click on links to other Target coupons from the above websites.  Different parts of the country offer different Target coupons, so if you type in a different zip code from Target then what you have access to can vary.  
• I also use the Cartwheel app, which has extra percentage savings off many times in Target.  You can combine cartwheel offers with Target and manufacture coupons!  I am signed up to receive Target coupons on my cell (Text OFFERS to 827-438 to receive them via text!) I then add my Cartwheel and Target mobile coupons to my Passbook for easy scanning at the register.
• My husband and I have a Target credit card which saves us an additional 5% every time we shop.  We don't let anything accumulate on it and always come home to pay right away.  These days Target has a debit card, which is deducted directly from your account, but at the time we signed up for this program that wasn't offered. We've just kept the credit card because we always pay it right away anyway.  No interest fees for us. :)
• Each week Target will have a gift card program where if you buy a certain number of items then you'll receive (usually) a $5 or $10 gift card.  These are AWESOME to take advantage of when you combine with manufacturer coupons, Target coupons, Cartwheel AND Target credit card.  

Now, there are a couple of other apps I use in conjunction with all of the above, that don't show savings right away but will over time.  

• Shopkick-an app that you open each time you enter a store.  It uses a GPS to find your location, and  gives you points for entering, and extra points for scanning (taking a picture with your phone) on certain items.  Accumulate points and redeem points for store gift cards! I use for to gain Target gift cards. ;) (45 kicks for walking into a Target).

• ibotta-with ibotta, you simply take short surveys on products that you would purchase in store.  You earn cash for each product, then when you purchase that product you simply take a picture of your receipt, and scan the product you purchased.  You have instant cash which can be transferred to a paypal account.  I let the money accumulate before I cash out. 

• Receipt Hog-simply scan pictures of your receipts (from certain stores).  Depending on the amount of money you spent, you will earn coins.  Redeem coins for cash or an Amazon gift card.  That easy!  

Other apps I love:

• Pampers Rewards-Pampers products come with a rewards code.  I use the app to quickly enter my code.  Points add up to redeem prizes and products. I use mine for extra free diapers. ;)

Huggies also has a rewards program, but no app.  I use the internet to log in and type in my code.  The Huggies one is more of a pain, because the page runs slowly.  I prefer the Pampers app.  

(Of course, I only buy Pampers when I have coupons.  Don't pay full price.  It's not worth it! If I need diapers and I don't have coupons, then I just buy the Target brand.)

• Coupons.com app-makes clipping coupons online easier.  I just clip on my phone, email to myself and print.  Or if you have a wireless printer it's even easier!  

• Retail Me Not-has coupons from different stores that can be scanned directly from your phone.  Stores like Bath & Body Works, Aeropostale, etc.  

PUBLIX

I take advantage of Publix BOGO (Buy One Get One) sales.  They're AWESOME when you have TWO coupons because you also save money on the "free" item.  

Example:  Let's say Ragu pasta sauce was on BOGO, and one jar cost $1.00 (we'll make it easy), and I have two coupons to save  .25cents on each jar, then I get 2 jars for .50cents.  AND if I have a coupon to save .25cents on TWO jars then I can use all 3 coupons, to get both jars for .25cents.

Now, let's say you have a Buy One Get One coupon on the Ragu pasta sauce, and they are also BOGO at Publix, then you get both jars for free!  And you could also use the coupons I mentioned above to EARN money toward other purchases.  So if we had a Buy One Get One coupon, two .25cents off one jar, and .25cents off two, then we've just EARNED .75cents toward our other groceries.

I hope that wasn't too confusing!

I'll leave things there for now. I have many other apps that I use, but I know this is overwhelming enough.

Feel free to ask any questions, and feel free to share ways that you save money! 

Hope this is helpful! 

We've Made It This Far

I am saddened to see how long it's been since I've updated.  I really wanted this to be a blog where I would chronicle every aspect of motherhood often (and truthfully.  That bit hasn't really been an issue!).   It's hard juggling being a new mom, working full time, maintaining a home (okay, so I did cheat a little there by hiring a maid. Don't judge.), and trying to be the best wife I can be.  (Admittedly, I'm not doing so well in the wife department.  Must work on this!) You moms out there who have multiple children, my hat is off to you. You're probably reading this and rolling your eyes because I only have one.  I'm sorry.  You're probably right…

Blake has a ped appointment on Tuesday.  He's not quite reached his 4 month mark yet but we are desperate to have his Zantac increased.  We simply can't wait until March 7, though it's only around the corner.  He's started to cry during feedings again, and is spitting up quite a bit.  I also want to bring up some skin concerns I have.  At first he started with a rash on his forehead and cheeks that would come and go.  Now he's got rashes all over his arms and legs, and it's quickly spreading.  His skin is very sandpaper-like to the touch.  It doesn't seem to be bothering him, but I know this isn't normal.  Friends have told me that it could be baby eczema, which can go away on its own, but I'd still like to have it examined.  Tonight I bathed him with Aveeno Eczema body wash, upon recommendation, and followed up with the Aveeno lotion.  Hope this helps to settle the redness and bumps.  Skin allergies run in my family so not that I'm jumping to eczema conclusions, I'm thinking it could be an allergy to something.  We use Dreft laundry detergent (well, Target brand because it's cheaper….hmm, could that be it?)

I'm a little late on starting this, but tonight we put rice cereal in his bottle before bed.  I know, I know, I should've started this earlier I hear.  Oh well.  I bought the organic Gerber kind that has a probiotic.  You know us, we love our probiotics!  I think a probiotic was part of the lifesaver for us!  Or at least the sanity saver. Ahhh, remember those days?  So thankful to God we are past the 6 hours of screaming.  It all seems like it was a dream now (not because it isn't fresh in my mind, but because exhaustion made it so foggy.)
I still bounce him often on the yoga ball.  I no longer have to do it between 5 and 7 hours a day anymore, but I'm down to about 2.  He's not a fan of the glider in his room.  He's definitely a bouncer.  It's the only way I can get him to sleep at night.  My legs and lower back have gained a lot of strength in 4 months!

He seems to have started teething.  Sir-Slob-A-Lot (that poor kid has so many nicknames from us!) goes through many bibs a day!  He chews on anything he can gets his hands on…um, including his hands! He hates the freezer teethers.  I guess they're too cold.  He's pretty much thrown in the towel on a pacifier at all.  He wants nothing to do with one.  Totally not complaining here!  He took to Sophie the Giraffe for a short stint but hasn't wanted it recently.  I don't actually see any teeth coming through but he's exhibiting the signs.  I hear this could keep up for months before one actually breaks through.  We did purchase an amber teething necklace from Green Mommy Diapers.  I have it on him at all times, except when he's sleeping or bathing.  I'm not really one of those people who is into natural healing remedies, but there are certain times when I'm willing to try just about anything.  The first signs of teething was one of those times. He was waking up every hour in the middle of the night, yelling out.  Haven't had that problem since he's been wearing one all day. Coincidence?  Don't know. Don't care.
And just to extend and prove my "I'm a new mom and really don't know what the hell I'm doing", I posted in my last entry that I was hesitant to order the necklace because he wasn't old enough to grab and chew on it.  Yeeeaaaaaah, it's for wearing.  Just wearing.  Not to chew.  I figured this out when I got it in the mail and saw how short it was.  It fits like a (loose) choker. I pulled it out of the packaging and wondered how in the world he was going to be able to have any room to chew on it when there was no give in the length.  So then I thought there were different lengths to order and I'd ordered the wrong one.  Thankfully I did some online research and realized my stupidity.  So if you're a new mom and are reading this, and you're as clueless as I am, you can learn from my "mommy newness."  You're welcome.

Thanks to a sweet co-worker, I have been introduced to Baby Led Weaning.  You can read more about it here. Here's the copy and paste version from the website, because I'm too tired to paraphrase.  It requires too much thinking right now.  (I got 2.5 hours of sleep last night.  And yes, here I am updating my blog.  What's wrong with me?)

Baby Led Weaning, quite simply, means letting your child feed themselves from the very start of weaning. The term was originally coined by Gill Rapley, a former health visitor and midwife.

According to the most recent research most babies reach for food at around six months, which is also the time that mothers are being encouraged to wean* by their Health Visitors, in accordance with the WHO guidelines.

The distinct advantage of weaning at around six months is that by then, our children are developmentally capable of feeding themselves proper food, in other words – no more mush!

You just hand them the food in a suitably-sized piece and if they like it they eat it and if they don’t they won’t. (But they do, really they do… check out the baby with the pork chop).

That’s the essence of Baby Led Weaning. No purees, no ice cube trays, no food processor, no potato masher, no baby rice, no weird fruit and veg combos… just you and your child, eating food that you enjoy with you and your family.

Studying up on this now so that when it comes time I will know exactly what to do. Gotta be ahead of the game!  Maybe it'll be the one thing I can be an expert on BEFORE it happens.  I'm talking to you GERD. And colic. And food allergies.  And breastfeeding. And teething. And to every other future issue that will arise that I will be totally ignorant on WAAAAY too late in the game.

I look back at the past 4 months and think "man, I really wanted to be awesome at this whole mommy thing." Then God tells me "you can never plan on these things. You just have to trust me and lean on me."  He continues, "You're awesome to Blake", and while I don't feel that way, (see earlier posts) I know God knows more than I do.  And then I reply back to God "of course he thinks I'm awesome.  I'm all he knows.  He doesn't know any better." And God says, Stop it. I know what he needs. He doesn't need to know any better." And I suddenly realize my selfishness in being so hard on myself and thinking I'm such a failure. Woe is me, woe is me.  Someone slap me in the face!

And I shut up. What do you say to that? Nothing. God does know best, and he's always right.

I love you, God!

I Survived My First Three Months of Motherhood

Three Month Mommy Survival "Kit"
-Doctor on speed dial
-A good set of swaddles
-eReader for those middle of the night feedings
-Coffee (even if you don't like it)
-A house maid.  Yes, we broke down and got one.  Awesomeness!
-Yoga ball
-A mom who will rescue you when you need a break
-A supportive husband who will clean and wash bottles
-A guest bedroom next door to the nursery (when you have a 2 story house this comes in handy)
-Chocolate
-328,420 baby blankets
-Stuffed animals (for throwing, of course)
-Friends who will pray for you when you're feeling your worst
-Lots of hugs and kisses to give out ;)
-And last but certainly not least, God.

Blake was born three months ago today.  I feel like I'm a part of the "I survived the first few months of motherhood" club.  Does that exist? Because if not, then I just made one up.  If you're a mom, you're in the club now too.

I look back and it all seems like a big blur. I'm sure I can blame this on exhaustion.  Maybe God plans it that way because he doesn't want you to remember how bad things can really be.  Kind of how babies don't remember being babies. What a blessing that is.
It seems like a blur, yet I remember it well.  I realize there's not much sense in that but there it is.  People told me that things would get easier. It's good advice, but I felt like those voices of people talking to me were muffled and talking to me 50 miles away.  Things were too rough to look that far into the future to view the silver lining.

I still have my tantrum moments.  I almost wrote a blog post about it last night but thought I was just in the wrong frame of mind to be writing because my post would've looked something like this…

23QUIWEFLWAJF!!!!!!!!!  WTF!!????  34Q902RJFAWJF! FJJF!!!!!!!!!!!!!????? ????????? ?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! $H!T
Yep, a bunch of mumbo jumbo for the jelly that was spilling into my brain. I felt useless last night because I was so tired.  I was angry.  I was mostly angry at myself for letting myself get angry. Ha! Try to make sense of THAT.  I was back to the good old days of bouncing on the yoga ball at 3am. When that failed, I strapped him in his carseat and drove around town to get him to fall asleep.  I was so tired that I got in the car with a t-shirt, my robe (no pants), no shoes, and forgot my purse.  Ugh. There was an officer running radar.  Thankfully I was going the speed limit. THAT would've been embarrassing.  He screamed in the car.  So, I did what I seem to do best during those moments…..I screamed too.  Sometimes I feel like the worst mom on the planet.
I talked to God as I drove down the road and asked him why he gave Blake to me, because sometimes I feel like he doesn't deserve me as his mom.  I feel like there are so many other awesome moms out there who don't lose their shit like I do sometimes.  I ended up driving past my grandparents' house, the house I grew up in, and that's when I heard God say "He's right where he needs to be."  I don't know what that means, or why, but I'm every bit thankful to have Blake.  I just feel like such a failure sometimes.


So I cried all the way until I pulled into my driveway.  I cried carrying him up the stairs to place him in his crib, as he was sound asleep.
This doesn't happen as frequently as it used to, but I get so upset with myself for allowing myself to get that way.
Last night was a good reminder of how it used to be…

His GERD has been acting up the past few days. I think it's time for his dosage to be increased, because the dosage is based on height and weight and he's grown within the last 4 weeks.  So, I was up from 1am-5am with him.  That, and we're nearly certain he's teething. Excessive drooling, chewing on his hands, fussiness.  I really want to purchase one of those amber teething necklaces but he hasn't yet learned to hold onto anything, so I don't think it would serve any purpose at the moment.
Still hoping he grows out of this, but until then it seems we are going to have our ups and downs as he grows and we play with the dosage.

It has been difficult returning to work. Before when he was up I could bank on the fact that I could get my rest the next day when he was sleeping.  Can't happen anymore.  I took off work today and my mom watched Blake while I slept.  I was so tired from staying up that I had a terrible headache.

Celebratory moment, colic is over! Thank you Jesus. Aaaaaand that's all I have to say about that.

 I really do want to end by saying that things are worlds better than they were. (Despite this being one of THOSE posts.)
And to all the new moms out there, or moms to be,  please do believe me when I say that things really do get better.  You may want to punch me in the face right now for saying that (I know I felt that way sometimes when others said it), but it really is every bit true.
I'm not naive though. I know there are still going to be good days and bad.  And babies are constantly growing and experiencing aches and pains.  I know.
Maybe one day when he's 2 years old we can throw a tantrum together and I'll remove myself from being a parent for the moment and enjoy throwing myself on the floor right along with him.  And then one day we can just laugh about it all because I'll look back and think myself ridiculous for being the big baby around my baby.

He's sleeping right now and I'm watching him on the baby monitor.  He melts my heart.  I could literally watch him sleep for hours.  I sang this song to him the other night as he fell asleep in my arms.

So Mr. Blake, looks like you're stuck with me for a mom. God said so.  I wish I could be perfect for you, but since I know that can't happen, I can promise to love every part of you, every moment, of every day, from now until forever.
You and me, Kid.  Oh, and daddy too. He's pretty great to have around so we'll keep him.