Last night at 10:30 I walked upstairs, pulled my son out of his crib and cuddled him while rocking. I risked waking him up but I honestly didn't care. He slept in my arms, with his arms wrapped around my neck. His head was sweetly nestled on my shoulder. I rocked him, and I cried. I'm not really sure why I cried, but I guess the only thing I can put into words is that I cried because I love him so much.
Tonight I am feeling nostalgic for the phase that Blake is currently in, for the time that I have now, that I do not yet miss but know that someday I will. As I was sitting on the sofa tonight I had a flash forward of Blake being all grown up, coming home from high school, throwing his backpack on the floor and rummaging through the fridge. I know it'll all be here before I know.
People always say "Enjoy this. They grow up so fast." People say it so much that I kinda get tired of hearing it. But, it's really true. These (almost) 7 months have whizzed by. Sometimes I feel like I was pregnant just yesterday.
Because he's growing so fast, and I already know I'm going to miss everything about him, I'm vowing to take more time with him and cherish the little things. Some would call me crazy for doing some of the things I do, but judge me. I don't care.
Sometimes I wake him up whenever I want to and cuddle him, no matter how asleep he is. I'm his mom, and I know how to easily get him back to sleep. But he won't be this little forever, so I need to get my cuddles in now. Someday he'll want to punch me in the face for waking him up in the middle of the night. (That's' what I'd do to someone, at least!)
Despite the fact that he's fully sleep trained and can entertain himself in his bed until he falls asleep, I still let him fall asleep on me every once in a while, just so I can hold and snuggle him. One day he's not going to want mommy to hold him while he falls asleep. Instead, he'll be talking to his girlfriend on the phone. I know this.
My house is a wreck, but it doesn't have to look perfect anymore. Rather than sticking Blake somewhere to entertain himself so I can clean, I sit on the floor and play with him myself. There will come a time when he'll only want to play with his friends, and not me anymore. I know this.
I take way too many pictures, of which many I post online for the world to see. Still, there are many I don't post because I'm pretty sure if I did then people would stop following me on Facebook. I take so many because he changes so much, it seems, from day to day and I never want to forget what he looks like at each stage in his life. That, and everything he does is adorable and I feel the need to capture it.
In the span of one week Blake made his way on all fours and made beginning motions of crawling, pulled himself up to stand while holding onto the ottoman, used his high chair for the first time, and sat up in the bathtub without the infant sling. Too much for me to handle at once! STOP THIS TRAIN! (Yes, I'm channeling John Mayer.) How can this be happening so soon, and so close together?
It seems depressing that I'm thinking about all of this, but I'm trying so hard to soak it all in and not miss a beat. It can be hard enough being a working mom and not having the opportunity to "be there" for every little thing he does.
I just need to slow down time. My obsession with Time Travel needs to come to fruition so I can just travel back to this moment whenever I like!
So, the million dollar question? How do I slow this down? How can I enjoy this time more? I don't want to look back and wish I'd done something that I could be missing now. I already know I'm going to miss this, and it's right here in front of my face.
You can totally say it. "Brittney, you're weird, and irrational." It's fine. I hear it all the time!
I guess the cool thing is, not only do I have pictures and videos, but I also have this blog to reflect on. One day I can even look back on this post, you know, when he comes home from school and throws his backpack on the floor and rushes to the fridge, and I'll have a deja-vu and hopefully I'll remember this moment.
This moment when I walked upstairs and took him out of bed, again, to snuggle him. Yep, that's what I'm going to do right now! I'll try not to cry tonight though.
