I've said from the beginning that I really wanted to be real in this blog. I feel like I need to preface by saying how much I enjoy being Blake's mommy. No, LOVE. That he melts my heart, and the highlight of my day is getting "Mr. B" hugs the moment I see him after having been at work all day. His laugh makes me laugh, even when I'm having a bad day. I enjoy giving him a bath every night because he smiles and giggles his way through it. (Do all 5 month olds love baths this much?!) I'm eager every morning to get him out of his crib just so I can snuggle him. The second I lift him out of his bed he grins from ear to ear. My heart aches when he cries or is in pain. Sometimes I cry when he cries. I love dressing him in the mornings because he looks so stinkin' cute in every outfit I put on him. Every time Blake passes a mirror and seems himself he smiles and giggles. (I think we are raising a narcissist!) It's so sweet to take a step back and watch Michael play with him and see the daddy-son bond that has formed between them.
I'm nearly convinced we have quite possibly the happiest kid on the planet. Well, most days.
With that being said, being a parent is H-A-R-D. My only hope is that I won't be judged for this, but, whatever.
If you're one of those people who is "on the fence" about having a child, don't. You need to be sure it's what you want, or what God wants of you because this will change your whole life. Not in a bad way, but I can almost guarantee not much will be the same. And if you love the life you're living and are nervous to give particular parts of it up, then being a mom or dad isn't the job for you.
You will sleep less. A lot less.
You will give up the majority of any free time that you have to yourself.
You will give up the majority of any free time that you have to spend with your significant other.
You will have to turn down more shopping outings and happy hours than you ever have before.
You will not be able to watch your favorite show on television when you want. In fact, your DVR will pile up. You will get behind on your shows, and you will have to beg people not to talk about the latest episodes while you're present.
You will have to forfeit purchases you would normally make for yourself and buy baby items (if you're on any sort of budget.)
You will not have any "veg" time, except after the baby goes to bed. Coming home after work and relaxing is pretty much out of the question.
You will stare at the clock, realize baby has 4 more hours until it's bedtime, and wonder how you're going to muster the energy to entertain him between now and bed, when all you really want to do is sit on the sofa with a glass of wine and watch tv.
You will run out of ways to entertain him and you will get in your car and drive to Target just to walk around and kill time.
You will hear him crying in the middle of the night and pray to God that he goes back to sleep because you're just too tired to deal.
You will time every outing you make based on when he ate last and when they will eat again.
You will fight with your significant other over every little thing because you're both so tired that you can't even function, and you feel like you have to take it all out on someone.
You will fight with your significant other over whose turn it is to do what-even though you thought you planned all of this out.
Women, you will get mad at him when he comes home from work and all you want to do is pass the baby over so you can get some alone time, or just have a little break.
Men, you will get mad at us when we try to hand over the baby because you've worked a hard day and you just want to have a little alone time, or a break.
You will miss spending quality time with your significant other. You will try to fit in time after he goes to bed, but sometimes you're both too tired after working all day to truly enjoy your time together.
You and your significant other will not be able to sit down and eat together at the dinner table (unless you eat at 9:00 or later). Instead, you will eat in shifts as one watches him and the other eats. Or, one of you will eat while bouncing him on your leg and trying to entertain him as you try to eat yourself, and carry on adult conversation about your day.
You will wish you had more hours in the day to clean house, because things are piling up but.you're.just.too.tired.
You will wonder why you're so tired, and think less of yourself when every other mother on the planet seems to be doing just fine but somehow you are drowning. How do they seem to be so happy and have it all so perfect?
You will question a lot about yourself.
You will wonder sometimes if you are even cut out for this.
You will have a LOT of conversations with God.
You will wish your significant other could just magically understand you, and what you're thinking, because it's hard to "get" each other some times.
You will realize how easy life was before when you could go get a pedicure on a whim with a friend. Then go to lunch and shop. Then maybe have dinner, and get home at 8pm.
You will spend a long time just trying to finish that one-novel you've been trying to read for 3 months.
You will, if you're like me, work a full workday and wish you could go home and take a nap. Nope.
You will send many phone calls to voicemail because you don't have enough hands to hold the phone, or the desire to speak with anyone.
You will let so many calls go to voicemail, then suddenly realize there are people whom you have neglected and sent to voicemail far too many times.
You will wish people would just text you instead, then quickly find that one friend who doesn't text. (REALLY?? Get with it!) ;)
You will look forward to something months in advance, and when the time comes, you have to cancel because he is sick.
You will notice some of your friends don't involve you in planning things because they're certain you won't be able to go now that you're a mom.
You will feel left out of a lot.
You will make plans to go out with a friend (bringing the baby along), then have to cancel because someone is too fussy and you can't get him to calm down.
You will spend time thinking you packed the perfect diaper bag, and when he has too many accidents in public and you are out of a change of clothes, you will break down and cry, because every thing seems to be going wrong that day.
You will discover the only down time you have is after he goes to bed, and at that time your "to-do list" is overly lofty, ridiculous, and will never get done. Laundry, dishes, school work, write blog, clip coupons, wash bottles, take a shower, do actual work-related work (lesson plans), eat dinner (?), edit photos from past photography sessions, catch up on emails...
You will wish you were more productive with your time before he was born. Before everything became a blur. Before you and your spouse both worked full time jobs, and tried to finish degrees, and weren't working over time.
I won't lie. I think about all these things. I stay tired, but I'm used to it by now, so I don't really notice it, but I know it's there because things are different.
Michael and I both wanted a child, and though things can be difficult, we wouldn't change having Blake.
Nothing can prepare you for parenthood. No book. No friend. No blog entry. Not even this one. I'm not trying to dissuade anyone from having a baby, but I also feel that becoming a parent would be even more difficult for those who are unsure of becoming a parent at all.
Michael and I felt that it was our time because we knew something was missing in our lives. We were ready to take the next step.
If you're content with the way things are and you aren't ready to have that disrupted, then it's likely you aren't ready yet.
Just be prepared, when you are ready and when the baby arrives you will wish for a lot of things….but you will never wish they weren't born.
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